The COVID-19 pandemic continues to rage on. New variants, second or third waves and more lockdowns. It feels like one day it’s getting better and then at the same time it is never ending.
Recently, I read some comment on some celebrity baby announcement or something like that (which I know you should never do) and I saw this comment: “how stupid and selfish could you be to have a child right now?” How stupid and selfish could you be...I feel like this sums up a lot of what people feel about every topic right now no matter what side of the argument you are on:
You are having another baby?
You are putting your family plans on hold?
How stupid and selfish are you?
You are still going to work?
You are staying home and accepting government assistance?
How stupid and selfish are you?
Your kids are in daycare or going to in-person school?
You had to quit your job to stay home with your kids and to do online school?
How stupid and selfish are you?
You are seeing people outside of your bubble to help support your mental health?
You have stayed completely isolated?
How stupid and selfish are you?
You check the news every day to stay informed?
You never look because it’s easier for you to not be inundated with information?
How stupid and selfish are you?
You go get regular tests?
You have never gone and prefer to monitor your symptoms and stay home when you feel sick?
How stupid and selfish ar you?
You only order stuff from online so you don’t have to go out?
You go out and shop so you can support local when you can and because you need to get out of the house to keep your sanity?
How stupid and selfish are you?
You decided to close your business and use your savings and government grants because you wanted to keep your family safe?
You fought to stay open because you needed to support yourself?
How stupid and selfish are you?
This list could go on and on and on forever. I feel like this saying could apply to basically any article either; fact based or opinion piece, in the newspaper, story on the news, post on social media or any statement made by anyone during this pandemic no matter what side it is on or argument it is trying to make. Nothing can be written without there being people fighting in the comments.
Fighting is the only way to describe it too. There is little to no actual debates or discussions anymore with both people showing understanding for the position of the other side. You are either a conspiracy nut, or sheep, a Karen or you are too trusting. Essentially, you are stupid and selfish no matter what you do, say or feel. And honestly, it is exhausting.
I really don’t like feeling like no matter what I do I am wrong. I don’t like having to second guess every single thing I do or say because of what someone else might say or do. It’s like you are walking on eggshells every minute of the day. And yes, I know this is basically how it is on the internet all the time but it seems to be in overdrive right now.
As numbers continued to rise where I live we were put into a lockdown with a stay at home order. I will say this so it is clear: I am not against the lock down or any emergency orders that are put in place to keep us safe. I wear my mask, I wash my hands, I monitor my symptoms, I do COVID screening when required and I am staying in my bubble. I am doing all the things that I am told to do to keep my family safe. But within all of these rules there seems to always be a "but" and “exceptions” and that is where it keeps getting murkier and murkier.
I have said it once and it will say it again; all the rules and the grey areas that come with them are completely exhausting. And I will just come out and say it: This whole pandemic thing f****** sucks. The feeling like no matter what you do is wrong, the ever changing rules, the you can do this but you can’t do that, the you can’t see your family, but you can still go to work, the this store has to be closed but this one can be open rules are confusing, frustrating and overall depression causing. The one minute we are all in this together and the next you are all awful and you are killing people and you are all stupid and selfish and deserve to be judged harshly no matter what you do really starts to play on your psyche,
I don’t know what else to say really. I could ask everyone to be kinder to each other, to not judge each other so quickly but then there are times when people really are being stupid and selfish so what then? Or am I just being part of the problem by thinking that? Who knows.
I will say it again in case you forgot, I am exhausted. I am burnt out, I am tired, I am… numb. I feel like there has been so much thrown at me for almost a year now, that my brain has lived in a constant state of flight or fight and that I have been so afraid of what the news will say or what announcement will be made next that my brain has reached a state of numbness. It's like it can’t be surprised by what is happening anymore. That is not to say I don't lay awake because I am too anxious to sleep at night, or that I don’t get into a news and doom and gloom spiral on the regular and it definitely doesn’t mean that I don’t care anymore. I think it just means that at the start of this pandemic when they would make an announcement about more closures or lockdowns I would panic and want to cry and generally freak out whereas now it is more like “oh...ok here we go”. It is an odd feeling to be constantly anxious yet somehow numb to it all at the same time. Maybe that is what they mean by the term “COVID fatigue”. You can only be scared for so long until it just becomes the way it is now.
Where do we go from here? Try and think before we talk, or more likely type, because you shouldn’t judge when you don’t know the whole story but also work to inform people when they don’t seem to understand the rules? Don’t believe everything you read yet also trust in your government and their efforts? Or maybe just be nicer to people in general? I don’t know. Perhaps maybe just don’t read the comments…. Maybe we should have known that one from the beginning.