Disclaimer/Edit: I want to make it clear that I am overwhelmingly grateful for every job I have had. Each has taught me something new or challenged me in various ways. I have enjoyed working with so many different people in different ways. This post is in no way to belittle or disparage any of my past, or present jobs I have had or anyone one I have worked for or with. It is merely a reflection on how I feel about my career goals overall and for my future. I hope this clears up any misunderstandings
Some days I see a Now Hiring sign at a fast food restaurant or a store and I legitimately have the desire to go and get an application. I have no warped ideas about these jobs. I know they are super stressful and hard and not at all glamorous. I don’t have a fantasy to work at these places because they are an easy job or anything like that. I want to work there entirely and simply because it would be something different. That’s really and truly the only reason. I think about being a receptionist, being a librarian, working doing data entry at an office. Anything simply because it is different.
I realized recently that I don’t hate my job like I think I do some days. I think I just have a desire to do something different. I find myself dreading to going to work and I HATE IT. I don’t hate my job but I hate that I dread it. Does that make sense? No not really. It doesn’t even make sense to me. Maybe I just hate working all together? Possibly. I do miss being on Mat leave. A lot. I got paid to be at home taking care of my baby. Seriously guys, having a newborn is hard. Like really hard. Being a mom in general is very hard. But… can I get paid to be a mom to my kid again? Thanks
Where was I? Oh ya. I hate dreading going to work. I want to at least not hate going to bed because I know I have to get up and go to work. I don’t need to love my job. I don’t need to miss working while I am on holiday. I am not a crazy person. I don’t ask for much. Besides being paid for being a mom. But… come on.
I think it could be just that I hate working in general. It’s a legitimate possibility, I am kind of lazy. But I feel like it is ever so possibly more likely that I am just feeling… burnt out.
Burnt out from being in the same relative field in the same relatively similar job with just different titles for basically my whole working life with only some very small exceptions. I have been working one on one with individuals with disabilities in some capacity in basically every job I have had. Now don’t get me wrong; the job itself, the clientele, the individuals are in no way the problem. You know how passionate I am about this field. Don’t make me rant. I am tired. However, being in basically the same position with just other titles has become a bit monotonous. I don’t feel like I am progressing whatsoever and if you know me at all you would know how much I struggle with the idea that I am not getting better or accomplishing something. I have always been very goal driven. I was always able to see what the next step was and how I was going to get there and how I was going to keep climbing toward that goal. Lately though, when I look back at my progression I see that it’s not up; it’s sideways. It drives me a little crazy. The problem is I don’t know how to go up at the types of jobs I have been working at. So when I am starting to feel stuck I go get a different job in order to feel like I am moving forward but in the end it is just another move sideways.
I like what I do. I like the job and the people and the clients and all of that. I don’t like that there is no real room for progression. I can’t go from being on the floor to working in the office. I can’t get promoted to supervisor. I can’t set a goal towards getting a promotion because in this field there isn’t always a lot of opportunities for that. So far I have quit two jobs and started a third and they all pose this same problem. I want to be able to go from being the front line worker to being the next level, whatever that means.
Worst part is? I don’t know what to do. How can I stay in this field but also do something different? Maybe I shouldn’t stay in this field at all? Maybe I should just quit all together and do something completely different. I have no idea. It’s a whole new ball game for the girl who had her career path planned out from basically grade 10 until I graduated university. I need something different to make getting up and dressed in the morning feel.. worth it? I hate to admit it but I am burnt out from doing what I have always loved but I just don’t know what to do about it just yet.