We like to make jokes in my family to the babies as they stare in awe at their Uncle A. We say things like “Yep he's weird baby. You got your whole life to get to know him”. I find it so funny to see my little peach staring at him as he goes about his business. She is used to being the centre of attention as we spend a lot of our time one on ne just talking to each other. When we go visit people she gets lots of funny faces and she gets picked up and talked to by anyone who can. Yet for reasons she doesn't understand Uncle A doesn't seem to want to pay attention to her. She makes her best faces and noises yet he pays her no mind. I wonder what she thinks of this big person who is not overcome by her charms like the rest of us.
This is not to say he doesn't acknowledge her. He simply does it in his own way. A recent example being that when he saw that I texted my mom to say that the peach wasn't feeling well, he texted me about how he would use his crystals and whatnot to heal her. He then made her a dream catcher and told me it was for above her bed so she would have happy dreams and would feel better. This is his way for now to show her that she loves him and one day when I tell her this I hope it makes her happy.
You see, something that I have thought about quite often is what she will think of him when she's older and can begin to understand him on another level. What about her Uncle C? Uncle A can talk to her in his own way and judging by how much he is beginning to enjoy interacting with my older niece I know he will be more comfortable with her when she is a kid instead of a baby. C on the other hand, I will remind you, is a great deal lower functioning. He may not ever really have any desire to have interactions with her besides seeing her as another person in the house. It may sound like I am being harsh but the reality is, that while I know C loves us very much, he does not show it in a way that most would understand. He has also had his entire life to get to know us and get comfortable with us. In her case he has been living away from home the entirety of the peach’s life so he only knows her has the weird squirmy crying thing that his sister seems to be carrying around all the time. So what then? What will she think of him?
I also often wonder what kind of questions she will ask about her uncles. How will I answer? Will I be able to explain it to her in a way she will understand? I feel like I have some answers locked and loaded. I feel like it will be best to be honest with her and giving her clear explanations will be the way to go. While there will be times that a quick “oh that's just A for you.” will suffice, because sometimes that really will be the best answer that won't be all I will say. Just like I know I will be saying “That's just your dad for you” A LOT but other times things may take a bit more explaining . So when the tougher questions come I am not going to shy away from explaining to her what Autism is. Why her Uncle cannot speak. Why he seems a bit “weird”. I know in my heart she will understand all of this and take it on as part of her life. Just like I did. If my niece is anything to go off of I know that in the end their differences won't be scary to her; they will simply be a source of curiosity. A curiosity that I think will be well founded and come from a place of love.
That leads to the question of: What about feeling loved by them? Will she be able to one day understand why Uncle A doesn't go out of his way to talk to her? Or why Uncle C doesn't seem to like her being around? Just as I say I think they will show love to her in their own ways I think she will quickly learn to appreciate that and to take it for what it is. I think in this sense she has a distinct advantage, perhaps just like how I feel I did; in that this will be what she grows up with and they and Autism are part of her life in a pretty big way right from the get go. Perhaps she will not think them weird at all but in fact normal. Just a different kind of normal and that's ok.
In the end I am not worried or scared for what she might think. I am excited for her to get to be part of this amazing community of people that I have already gotten to be a part of. I am excited for the natural lessons of empathy, of acceptance and of equity that she will get to have. And how all this is going to make into one well rounded little kid.
Mostly I hope she follows in my footsteps one day and takes an interest in all of this. Or at the very least I hope that one day on the playground she will stand tall and say loudly and proudly “He’s not weird! That's just the way he is and that's ok!” And she will have Uncle A and and Uncle C to thank for that amazing amount of passion for standing up for the other kids on the playground.
I hope that your kids get to learn this all some day too. In the end it's up to you to teach them if they are not as lucky as me and my little peach.
October is Autism Awareness Month in Canada. Spend some time getting informed about what Autism is and how might help to make someone feel welcome and supported in your community!
As always, thank you for taking the time to read my blog!
Danielle